Lately, I have been feeling really emotional. I feel raw, exposed, defeated and hopeless. About our world, health, environment, human nature, values etc. Simply put – it is part of growing up and this is how I do it.
I think it started while in Mexico. There was virtually no recycling. I think throwing out jars, plastic and cans every day, slowly added to my concern about environment. At home, we recycle everything and compost organics, I have the smallest garbage can in history. There, throwing literally everything into garbage (except wine and beer bottles) looked and felt horrible – it was a lot of garbage. I can’t stop but think that eventually our planet will get succumbed by garbage.
When I got home, school and sports started for kids right away. To give you an idea, we live in suburbs of a big city. Your average 100K population small town which is a part of big metropolis. Because I am a mom, my main interaction with adults is with parents of my children, those are the adults I talk to. How do I feel about that? Oh my, it is a mix of emotions that is so hard to explain.
I feel alone. I feel different. I feel like an alien. I feel judged. I feel sad. I feel defeated. I feel scared. I feel raw and emotional.
Alone because I’m the only mom I know in our community who has kids of my age who eat real food, normal food. Different because people think we eat like nobody else and it’s weird to them. Different because I have different point of view on life and health because I didn’t grow up in America. I do know for a fact that is what stops many women from being friends with me. I feel like an alien because I turn around and there is nobody to talk to, not about magic of matcha powder I don’t drink or vitamins my kids don’t take, but about a pot of soup I made last night. There is no understanding that soup comes from a pot and not a can. I feel judged because I am different for North America, and when you are you get judged. And unfortunately there is no policy, foundation or pills against/from judgement when you lead a healthy lifestyle in America. It is that rare! All above mentioned makes me extremely sad. I feel defeated because I clearly understand that 95% of people do not care what they eat or about their health. People just don’t care, or they would like to be healthy but don’t want to do anything about it except blah-blah-blah and finding next magic pill. Many days it feels like there is no hope for healthier America, honestly, there isn’t!!! That fast food and processed foods are winning.
I feel scared for my kids and future grandkids. While I can educate my boys about healthy eating and lifestyle and I have no doubt in their choices in the future, I feel extremely concerned who will they marry. Will they marry someone who was raised on processed foods, who will feed my grandkids like she was raised and what kind of diseases will we all have to deal with as a family?! While I can control my kids, I realize I have no control over their future wives. Do I have control over who my kids choose as a partner in life? I don’t mean it in a way of personality but rather values. All of the above thoughts made me so raw and emotional during the past few weeks, I can’t even explain. I feel tears in my eyes and so sad for our world. I don’t watch the news and try to limit social media exposure but you can’t hide from real world. Trust me, what Trump or Justin are doing is really not on my mind.
In addition, in the past few years I lost a feel to what is appropriate to say and what will hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like every year the threshold of what people consider OK to say out loud is increasing (decreasing?). Especially around parents where I feel like adults become super sensitive and defensive about their kids. I feel like I live in a world of insincerity, over exaggeration and lies. I feel like everyone is out to pick a fight if you have an opinion rather than agreeing with everything with a smile on a face. I feel like it is not OK to have an opinion anymore. It is characterized as “hurting someone’s feelings”.
In addition to real world problems, here is this wonderful space I have online called iFOODreal. Last night, me and Alex went for a walk, where I shared my raw feelings with him. No matter what differences me and Alex have, what state our relationship is at, Alex is MY BEST FRIEND. Here I start to cry. He truly is!!! I know we can figure it out, by ourselves or with an outside help, we can work out our differences. I feel like I have control over this situation. However, I have no control over what happens in outside world and it scares me to death because I have kids. Plain truth.
So, coming back to this blog and Alex. After listening to me, Alex said that is why I blog and I should share my knowledge and feelings here. That while I can’t win the corporate giants mass producing processed foods, I can make an impact and help those who want to be helped. I think this is a key phrase in our fight – To Help Those Who Want Help. And trust me I will – I know my ways with Google. So here I am, although Alex didn’t mean for me to share my raw hurt feelings in a post like this one, but it is my blog and I feel like sharing. That is corporate Alex from a cubicle talking. So, let’s scratch that Alex.
In the past few weeks, there have been comments on my blog that…hurt my feelings. It is such a tough job I have here to share my knowledge about clean eating and our journey, when I could made mistakes, and sometimes not say things correctly, and therefore hurt someone’s feelings without any intention to do so, for which I get harshly judged because it is online and people. Also some people do not have good intentions and twist things their way and truly let their steam go off online. “Experts” are the worst, there seems to be endless number of them, many with 2 months certificate in next health trend, and if you are just an educated person with common sense “you know nothing”.
So listen up, “know it all” ladies. I appreciate constructive criticism in a polite way but I don’t need your judgement ei. calling me Trump. It is my blog where I share what works for me in hopes to find and connect with like minded people. For someone who doesn’t agree with me or doesn’t understand me, it is expected to not be my reader. Doesn’t real world works like this – we are friends because we have things in common?! The same on blogging. I’m not a politically correct person, so stop asking me to be one. Find one. I have helped numerous people to cook healthy homemade meals for their families instead of encouraging to keep eating processed foods while screaming “Beauty at Any Size”. Think about what is wrong with this message for a minute.
So this is me today and past week.
What’s next? Well, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. First of all, I will feel noticeably better once I hit “Publish”. I already started feeling a relief after a little cry while my kids are at school. Secondly, I know I have many friends here online and we share the same views and laughs. Third, WE KEEP GOING! I will keep fighting this fight till the day I die. The minute you give up, you let THEM win. And we don’t do that. I will be publishing more and more honest and raw posts that might “hurt feelings” but help our world. Any rude and inappropriate comments will be deleted and ignored. Simple as that – move on if you don’t like me. Probably I don’t love you too.
And last but not least, if you are a woman or a man (one of 2% of my readers) who had turned around your life and health, BE SO DAMN PROUD OF YOURSELF because you are smart and hard working. And talk, talk, talk about it and keep going. The more we spread the word about us, the more of us will be. Don’t let them win. Don’t let them silence you. It is a hard fight to fight, but if you helped even one person to turn around their lifestyle, it is a fight worth fighting for.
And very very last thing, I promise. Today is Alex’s birthday. He turned 25 although he thinks he is old. We are introverted secret birthday celebrators and both me and Alex do not like attention. We celebrate our birthdays by ourselves and it is just another day for us. We see no value in presents because we have everything we could possibly wish for, everything! We are truly blessed! All we wish for is health and happiness, everything else will follow. Alex said he wanted to go out for sushi, but yesterday Kyle decided he would like to make a dinner for dad, with dessert. Both boys then wrote cards, Adam made a crown and a craft present. While I was gone last night, Alex played hockey with the boys outside where Kyle reminded Alex it’s his birthday tomorrow, and Adam chimed in with full details about dinner, cards and presents.
This is where we are at today – a birthday boy who knows about surprise, a complete emotional mess of a wife and apparently not that much of a surprise dinner. And apparently by the time I hit “Publish”, one child is sick with a stomachache on a couch, and another one in a timeout. But we are blessed, truly blessed and I would like to wish my husband publicly a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It is not the age that defines us, it is the outlook on life and our health. I know MANY miserable 48 year olds, and I know only one that feels and looks like 25. Happy Birthday, honey! P.S. Just thought I would give you heads up what you will come to home at 6PM. 😀
This is when I cry again. Damn hormones.
A Fight That Is Worth Fighting – An email I received in response to this post the next day.