Me and Alex do not believe in New Year’s resolutions much because when we decide to do something, we just do it. Whether eating healthy, working out or quitting smoking. I don’t need to be a better mom, be more present in my kids’ lives, spend less time with my phone, watch less TV, work out more, eat healthy etc. I think I pretty much got it all under control by age of 35 (in my own non-perfect way, but I embraced imperfection to a certain degree by now – I have daily struggles, please don’t think I am perfect!!!). I am at inner peace with myself and the world, and would like to keep it that way.
Frankly, I do not believe in resolutions because barely any of them work. I decided, I did it. It doesn’t have to be January 1st, per se. However, I have a few “resolutions”, which are more goals, for 2017. More of “a to do list”.
1. Have MY Space
Until now I didn’t have an office and was blogging on a couch, in a family room, with kids running around, TV on etc. Yeah, I’m not sure how I survived too. First half of the day helped when everyone was at school. No wonder, I felt overwhelmed by the end of 2016 because there was no definition between “home” and “work”. So, Alex dusted off my 15 year old computer desk and now I have an official office space in the basement. Without a window but I don’t care. I close the door and it is almost quiet. I hide here more often than not.
2. Revamp the Wardrobe
After having my second child, who is now 6, and working from home after that, I have to dust off dress shoes when we are invited to an outing. Dresses have dust on the shoulders, silver jewellery is black and half of my wardrobe is not even in style anymore. So, I have this walk-in closet full of clothes and nothing to wear. Lululemon is great but is not everything. This year things will change. I decided anything I haven’t worn for over 3 years is going to be donated, no matter how much it cost. I already cleaned out my closet once and need about 2 more cleans.
And then comes shopping. I used to hate shopping for myself because, frankly, I didn’t have money or time for it. I still can’t say I love it because somehow after having kids everything makes me uncomfortable and sweaty, but I am gonna do it. I already started and it feels good. My motto is “less is more” – own less clothes but functional pieces (even if they cost more).
3. Be Less Engaged in Boys’ Hockey
That sign “Your kid’s is playing, pay attention” is not for me.
My problem is I’m too emotionally involved with kids. I used to go to every hockey game, discuss it after in a car and sweat like crazy during try outs. Lately, Kyle has been too much drama re: hockey. And I decided to step back from it because at the end of the day it is just a game of 10 year olds. Who cares?! I can’t be with him every step he makes and frankly I don’t want to. Plus, if we all go as a family to each sporting event, nothing gets done on the weekend in the house or for me an Alex. Nothing. So, this year, me and Alex, decided to split kids on the weekend and get things done and enjoy life. So far, it worked amazing.
4. Buy a Boat
Yes, we decided to buy a boat. We live by the ocean and among so many lakes, boat would be so much fun. We have to try. We already tried camping with a trailer, only realizing that we find camping boring. We need action and view. We would like to buy a boat with a caddy, take it on the ocean for 3-5 days a time, explore islands, watch sunsets, eat seafood and generally enjoy life. The goal is to enjoy life with boys still little, with us still young and healthy. I can always sell it if I don’t like it. But we gotta try. I will keep you updated on that.
5. Pay More Attention to Alex
I mean time one on one, intimacy and you know what. Having middle age child is hard because you really have to filter your words and actions with each other. With a baby you don’t have to, but you are sleep deprived and need a babysitter. Overall, having children is hard on the marriage, with its ups and downs, different phases and a bazillion compromises (I can write a 200 page long book about all the nuances). Romance suffers and spending every day together for 15 years doesn’t help. Our marriage is good, it’s just I would like to spend more time with Alex one on one. And I don’t mean going out to restaurants all the time because often we are too tired for that and I feel bad wasting money. So far, cancelling cable has been a good decision for our marriage – think no TV in the bedroom.:) On this positive note, I am done with 2017 resolutions/goals.
What are your 2017 Resolutions?
I love the changes you are making! Marriage isn’t always smooth and you both get from it the amount of time that you both can salvage, or make, to put into it. For us, 45 this August, not without ups and downs, because marriage is work, time together has been the magic! With kids, without kids, makes no difference! Just always say what you are thinking, because they really (and we) really do want to know! None of that “are you mad?” “No”, followed by icy silence. My husband and I have, from the start, been friends and confidants first, then from there it grew. There are no secrets, nothing held back, even the painful history stuff. Honesty gets and keeps you close! Don’t go to your girlfriends first, go to him!
Together you’ll raise great independent thinking kids by pulling back a little and not going to every game! I think that’s very smart! They don’t need mom and dad to watch over every move after a certain age. Maybe between 8-10 you can show them the trust to manage on their own?
I am not a big resiloution maker either. I just try to stay open to new ideas and keep learning and challenging myself to do my best!
I have read somewhere very long time ago (thank goodness), that you have your kids temporarily but you and your husband are forever. If you don’t take it literally, it is so very true. Once kids are grown up and gone, whether you have had a connection with your partner while raising those kids, will decide the “happily ever after” or not.
I definitely do not want to grow old by myself and more than anything my kids would want their parents to grow old together. I know some women disagree and put their kids #1 but I’m trying hard not to do that, it is hard to balance it all. But hard work and clear mind should pay off, I hope. One day at a time many days.:)