Lately, I have been feeling really emotional. I feel raw, exposed, defeated and hopeless. About our world, health, environment, human nature, values etc. Simply put – it is part of growing up and this is how I do it.
I think it started while in Mexico. There was virtually no recycling. I think throwing out jars, plastic and cans every day, slowly added to my concern about environment. At home, we recycle everything and compost organics, I have the smallest garbage can in history. There, throwing literally everything into garbage (except wine and beer bottles) looked and felt horrible – it was a lot of garbage. I can’t stop but think that eventually our planet will get succumbed by garbage.
When I got home, school and sports started for kids right away. To give you an idea, we live in suburbs of a big city. Your average 100K population small town which is a part of big metropolis. Because I am a mom, my main interaction with adults is with parents of my children, those are the adults I talk to. How do I feel about that? Oh my, it is a mix of emotions that is so hard to explain.
I feel alone. I feel different. I feel like an alien. I feel judged. I feel sad. I feel defeated. I feel scared. I feel raw and emotional.
Alone because I’m the only mom I know in our community who has kids of my age who eat real food, normal food. Different because people think we eat like nobody else and it’s weird to them. Different because I have different point of view on life and health because I didn’t grow up in America. I do know for a fact that is what stops many women from being friends with me. I feel like an alien because I turn around and there is nobody to talk to, not about magic of matcha powder I don’t drink or vitamins my kids don’t take, but about a pot of soup I made last night. There is no understanding that soup comes from a pot and not a can. I feel judged because I am different for North America, and when you are you get judged. And unfortunately there is no policy, foundation or pills against/from judgement when you lead a healthy lifestyle in America. It is that rare! All above mentioned makes me extremely sad. I feel defeated because I clearly understand that 95% of people do not care what they eat or about their health. People just don’t care, or they would like to be healthy but don’t want to do anything about it except blah-blah-blah and finding next magic pill. Many days it feels like there is no hope for healthier America, honestly, there isn’t!!! That fast food and processed foods are winning.
I feel scared for my kids and future grandkids. While I can educate my boys about healthy eating and lifestyle and I have no doubt in their choices in the future, I feel extremely concerned who will they marry. Will they marry someone who was raised on processed foods, who will feed my grandkids like she was raised and what kind of diseases will we all have to deal with as a family?! While I can control my kids, I realize I have no control over their future wives. Do I have control over who my kids choose as a partner in life? I don’t mean it in a way of personality but rather values. All of the above thoughts made me so raw and emotional during the past few weeks, I can’t even explain. I feel tears in my eyes and so sad for our world. I don’t watch the news and try to limit social media exposure but you can’t hide from real world. Trust me, what Trump or Justin are doing is really not on my mind.
In addition, in the past few years I lost a feel to what is appropriate to say and what will hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like every year the threshold of what people consider OK to say out loud is increasing (decreasing?). Especially around parents where I feel like adults become super sensitive and defensive about their kids. I feel like I live in a world of insincerity, over exaggeration and lies. I feel like everyone is out to pick a fight if you have an opinion rather than agreeing with everything with a smile on a face. I feel like it is not OK to have an opinion anymore. It is characterized as “hurting someone’s feelings”.
In addition to real world problems, here is this wonderful space I have online called iFOODreal. Last night, me and Alex went for a walk, where I shared my raw feelings with him. No matter what differences me and Alex have, what state our relationship is at, Alex is MY BEST FRIEND. Here I start to cry. He truly is!!! I know we can figure it out, by ourselves or with an outside help, we can work out our differences. I feel like I have control over this situation. However, I have no control over what happens in outside world and it scares me to death because I have kids. Plain truth.
So, coming back to this blog and Alex. After listening to me, Alex said that is why I blog and I should share my knowledge and feelings here. That while I can’t win the corporate giants mass producing processed foods, I can make an impact and help those who want to be helped. I think this is a key phrase in our fight – To Help Those Who Want Help. And trust me I will – I know my ways with Google. So here I am, although Alex didn’t mean for me to share my raw hurt feelings in a post like this one, but it is my blog and I feel like sharing. That is corporate Alex from a cubicle talking. So, let’s scratch that Alex.
In the past few weeks, there have been comments on my blog that…hurt my feelings. It is such a tough job I have here to share my knowledge about clean eating and our journey, when I could made mistakes, and sometimes not say things correctly, and therefore hurt someone’s feelings without any intention to do so, for which I get harshly judged because it is online and people. Also some people do not have good intentions and twist things their way and truly let their steam go off online. “Experts” are the worst, there seems to be endless number of them, many with 2 months certificate in next health trend, and if you are just an educated person with common sense “you know nothing”.
So listen up, “know it all” ladies. I appreciate constructive criticism in a polite way but I don’t need your judgement ei. calling me Trump. It is my blog where I share what works for me in hopes to find and connect with like minded people. For someone who doesn’t agree with me or doesn’t understand me, it is expected to not be my reader. Doesn’t real world works like this – we are friends because we have things in common?! The same on blogging. I’m not a politically correct person, so stop asking me to be one. Find one. I have helped numerous people to cook healthy homemade meals for their families instead of encouraging to keep eating processed foods while screaming “Beauty at Any Size”. Think about what is wrong with this message for a minute.
So this is me today and past week.
What’s next? Well, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. First of all, I will feel noticeably better once I hit “Publish”. I already started feeling a relief after a little cry while my kids are at school. Secondly, I know I have many friends here online and we share the same views and laughs. Third, WE KEEP GOING! I will keep fighting this fight till the day I die. The minute you give up, you let THEM win. And we don’t do that. I will be publishing more and more honest and raw posts that might “hurt feelings” but help our world. Any rude and inappropriate comments will be deleted and ignored. Simple as that – move on if you don’t like me. Probably I don’t love you too.
And last but not least, if you are a woman or a man (one of 2% of my readers) who had turned around your life and health, BE SO DAMN PROUD OF YOURSELF because you are smart and hard working. And talk, talk, talk about it and keep going. The more we spread the word about us, the more of us will be. Don’t let them win. Don’t let them silence you. It is a hard fight to fight, but if you helped even one person to turn around their lifestyle, it is a fight worth fighting for.
And very very last thing, I promise. Today is Alex’s birthday. He turned 25 although he thinks he is old. We are introverted secret birthday celebrators and both me and Alex do not like attention. We celebrate our birthdays by ourselves and it is just another day for us. We see no value in presents because we have everything we could possibly wish for, everything! We are truly blessed! All we wish for is health and happiness, everything else will follow. Alex said he wanted to go out for sushi, but yesterday Kyle decided he would like to make a dinner for dad, with dessert. Both boys then wrote cards, Adam made a crown and a craft present. While I was gone last night, Alex played hockey with the boys outside where Kyle reminded Alex it’s his birthday tomorrow, and Adam chimed in with full details about dinner, cards and presents.
This is where we are at today – a birthday boy who knows about surprise, a complete emotional mess of a wife and apparently not that much of a surprise dinner. And apparently by the time I hit “Publish”, one child is sick with a stomachache on a couch, and another one in a timeout. But we are blessed, truly blessed and I would like to wish my husband publicly a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It is not the age that defines us, it is the outlook on life and our health. I know MANY miserable 48 year olds, and I know only one that feels and looks like 25. Happy Birthday, honey! P.S. Just thought I would give you heads up what you will come to home at 6PM. 😀
This is when I cry again. Damn hormones.
A Fight That Is Worth Fighting – An email I received in response to this post the next day.
I just wanted to tell you how much I love this post. I have a lot of the same feelings and I just wanted to let you know I support you, love your advice and love your blog! My fiance just turned 25 too (he also feels old haha). All of our friends ask how we can afford things and such. A lot of it is because I make all home cooked meals (minus some treat dinners throughout the year). We also can a lot (soups, jams, fruits, etc). We save a ton of money and I am always budgeting. No one our age has any idea. They look at me like I’m crazy. Like doing those things doesn’t really save money or help you live a better life. They literally roll their eyes at me. It sucks. So my fiance and I created our own happy little world. He is my best friend too (and I am pretty sure I am his haha). I just want you to know you aren’t alone! (:
Thank you so much, Sara! I feel like as a society we have advanced in so many ways, but at same time we lost touch and sense of what matters the most. We do not know how to enjoy simple things, slow down and enjoy life, and have no connection with food.
I, like you, am very frugal and we are doing just fine. I feel so sad when I hear people’s comments like “It is so expensive to buy organic or eat healthy”, “I have no time to cook” or “You must be millionaires to travel”. So sad as people spend their lives like hamsters on a wheel in a race after a $ while wasting so much of those hard earned $s and time on materialistic things! They think I’m crazy when I say it all starts with food you put in your body – how you feel, your health and your pocket as well. The approach people use to feed kids is beyond my understanding – that is the worst. I honestly think there should be a government policy on feeding your child properly because that is abuse to deprive your child of nutrients and vitamins, for which by the way, we, tax payers, all will have to pay. I just can’t deal with parents’ laziness any more. I remove myself from those. So here comes Alex – my best friend! However, I have to say I have a few friends with similar values to mine and we have a great time, just everyone is busy with kids and work. But Alex definitely is my best friend, but shouldn’t it be this way once you have a family?!
Thank you for your kind words!!!
It truly is amazing all of the things that change once you put ‘good’ (wholesome/nourishing) foods into your body! And I am also dumbfounded when people say it is way too expensive to eat healthy/organic/natural (whatever excuse it may be). My best gal friend (I do actually have a couple of close friends besides Tyler haha) actually lives on very little and her and her two girls and fiance eat very well. She has a huge garden (two actually) and I taught her how to can (mostly jams, veggies & fruits) last year, so now she is even more ahead food wise.
Unfortunately, excuses have become such a crutch for many. I mean I am not perfect and have bad days or days I didn’t eat quite as healthy (cough*cough* roasted marshmallows from camping this weekend), but I always get myself back on track or have Tyler to nudge me in the right direction when I really need it. Plus, even though I did eat the mallows, I know I made wholesome & healthy meals the whole rest of the time we were camping because I planned way ahead, which still makes me feel on-track in a sense. People don’t really like to spend time to plan I have found. I take 2 hours the day before grocery shopping and do our budget/finances and meal plan for the whole week. I map out the groceries I need and we but them… It seriously runs so smoothly I don’t know how people don’t do it lol. Like if the people saying they don’t have time would get off their phones/social media for just a few hours then they would have the time. I understand it can be daunting at first, but there are so so many people who love this stuff and would gladly help! But when you tell them that it is just another excuse… The cycle just keeps going I feel.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. All this comfortable life of everything available at a push of a button made people LAZY. People feel entitled in so many ways and priorities today are materialistic things. Everyone has the same amount of time, it is a choice everyone makes what to do with that time. People confuse cooking with hobbies like reading, knitting or golfing. When I hear “I don’t like to cook” from women (and I hear it ALL THE TIME), I always say “Cooking is not an option!”. It is a necessity to survive, it is energy and life. Everyone can boil potatoes or pasta, add some sauce or not and cut up a salad. Every mom can make her kids eat healthy, every. But it’s work and effort which people prefer to spend on easier things like shopping, watching TV, sitting on their stupid phones, and then complain and do wishful thinking. It is the truth and I do not have respect for laziness. No one is perfect but every grown up should be able to own his shit and be responsible.
Haha, I have a few very good girlfriends too. We are friends as families. Everyone is busy but when we get together we have great time and share common values. They are not among my kids’ parents that is why I feel alone around my kids’ social life where I spend majority of my time. Oh well, can’t have it all.:)
Hi Olena! My post is as others – to cheer and warm you up! YOU really DO a great job. Thanks to your blog, wihich I found few years ago, I had known about superfood and started my own journey to organic world, which was not easy to make it in Russia years back. You amazed me with your tough work on your body shape after pregnancy and how persistent you were. You did inspire me to change my lifestyle. I respect your efforts to make your family’s eating (and living) style healthy and ..believe me I know its quite hard, especially when you deal with the kids. I have my own experience with my kid (well, young man already) – I stuck on healthy style of eating and tried to convert him when he was a small kid, but still even these days word “broccoli” sounds the untastiest thing ever to him!:).
YOU DO HELP people. Especially to ones who care about world locally and globaly and not lazy and brave enough to change it. I would call it the one’ evolution – when you try to be better than now (your thoughts, your spirit, your attitude towards life and the whole world).
Oh! And you DO help me personally!:) Im moving to the US and to me your posts about food shopping at Costco
are sooo helpful. Thank you again for your wonderful blog. Happy birthday to Alex and congratulations to him that he has such a cool wife! Cheers
Thank you so much, Ria, for everything you said and it makes so much sense!!! Everyone likes Alex so much haha. Good luck on your move!!! Big hug!
Sending all the hugs and love your way from Idaho! You are not alone in your feelings. Your blog is wonderful and I’m SO glad you continue to speak your mind. There will always be those people who bring others down to make themselves feel better in areas of their lives where they think they lack. Thank you for your honesty. You are beautiful inside and out. 🙂
Thank you for everything you said, especially about inside and out!
Hey Olena – I know how you feel! My family too eat real, homecooked meals! We have always made good, real food a priority in our home. I grew up on a farm where everything was made from scratch so I just couldn’t relate to processed foods. Irony is my kid’s friends loved coming for dinner and loved the food… some of them had never tried “real food” – I was soo surprised when one kid asked me what squash was! Don’t worry about who your kids will marry … like meets like … my three are all with people who a concerned about eating real, healthy foods and my grandkids know that healthy foods are soo important! Love your site … receipes have added spice to our “boring” same old dishes! Keep being real!
Thank you so much! With each and every comment my hope in our future grows. Big real food hug!!!
Feeding my kids’ friends is a whole different story. I think it got worse since your kids were small. Literally majority of our food looks weird to them. They have no idea what is in my pots. It makes me feel so uncomfortable around my kids’ friends, honestly. Like I’m an alien. I secretly hope none of their friends come over for dinner, or if someone comes for a sleepover I just save my “emergency” pizza for that time – my kids’ treat. So far, only 1 boy would eat anything I cooked, out of all of them. The rest is just processed food connoisseurs. I have 0 desire to deal with that to be honest. I have my own kids to teach all the things in life.
I love your blog, your honesty, and your values. I have no doubt that we would be friends in real life if our boys played sports together! 🙂 I’d talk about soups in the pot all day long! Hah! Have a great evening!
Thank you, Blair. Haha, yes, I prefer a soup talk to many others. I have a hockey mom friend who much reminds me of you, with 3 boys and homemade cooking. Our kids play different levels of rep hockey but when we meet, we get along just fine.
Awww… my Olena. Sending you a big hug from Calgary. Your posts brighten up my evenings, and I really enjoyed living vicariously through you on your Mexico trip. Your no BS approach is so refreshing, and honestly, so rare.. I think as we get older it’s tougher to make friends, and you’re being very hard on yourself. Have you tried meetup? Maybe there’s some like minded people near your community. I tried it myself, though it’s a bit of a hit or miss. If you’re sick of the rain Calgary is becoming warmer with climate change and winters are not so unbearable anymore. Cash out and get a house in our new SW communities, then I’ll take you to the Italian store for cappuccino and neither will be lonely. Cheer up mama. 🙂
And you know…. I wonder if this is a Vancouver thing…. my hairdresser used to live in Van, and she’s a mom. She had stories about bitchy hockey moms and fakeness, and pretentiousness, and really it didn’t sound too different from what you’re describing. She had trouble connecting and just generally fitting in, but it wasn’t her at all – it was the people there. Hmm. So again, don’t be so hard on yourself, it sounds like it might be the “society” rather than something you’re doing. If anything you’re probably the most normal person there ..
This might sound too confident but I’m pretty sure it’s not me and I’m ok and the one normal here. I don’t divide people by who they are or from. I talk to everyone who is a pleasure to talk to. Not sure why this happens. Haven’t raised my kids anywhere else, so hard to tell. However, feeding kids junk is a national problem. So let’s not get away from the main topic of my sadness lol. People just don’t cook!!!
How do you think I’m being hard on myself? In what way? What should I stop doing? I just feel saw raw after becoming a mother of 2 kids. Suddenly many things I didn’t care about before became so important. I’m scared where the heck we are heading as a nation. Maybe I live in a wrong place?!
I think the problem is BS, you are right. I hate BS and the older I get, the more I feel like I’m covered in it. Coated in it every time I interact with parents and anything to do with my kids. I’m tired of BS from my kids’ teachers who don’t own to their mistakes and tell me BS in response. I’m tired of parents who complain how they wish their kids ate lentils or healthy, and present it like it’s their kids’ flaws rather than a parent’s fault. I’m tired of people not owning to their shit and talking about it. Or drinking this stupid slimming coffee and driving van plastered with it and selling to other stupid moms. And then posting it every day on Facebook because they are a new distributor. What a bunch of BS. It isn’t about making new friends. I have a few people I like to spend time with and we have fun as families, I am not looking for more friends. I just want this noise around me to stop. People dreaming about being healthy and doing nothing. Or moms doing everything besides cooking simple real food for their kids and making them eat it because their kids don’t like it or they have no time or knowledge to cook. What a bunch of BS. I feel excuses are choking me and people are simply lazy but pointing it out to them is not OK. You will NOT believe how many kids do not eat fruit and vegetables!!! 95%! It is SO SAD!!! Makes me scared. I am scared for the future of our kids!!! I feel sad and powerless at times. It is hard fight. Processed foods are winning, people are brainwashed and excuses and no judgement and hurt feelings are making things worse. Some days I feel there is no hope and today was the day.
I like Vancouver suburbs. I don’t mind rain. It is warm. Thank you for the offer though. Let me know when you are around and stop by at my house for a healthy meal, wine, coffee, hot tub and a nice no BS conversation. We have got it all! 🙂
Olena, Out of all of the blogs I read (fashion, food, DIY, home) yours is my absolute favorite. You are inspirational. This is coming from a 40-something, privileged, wish-to-eat-better-but-are-the-ones-in-the-neighborhood-with-one-too-many-garbage-cans-on-garbage-day chick. I truly look up to you and the life you have created for you and your family. Please know that what you share with us is very much appreciated. And I also have a husband that I can vent/cry to. I feel bad for wives that don’t have this. Maybe those are the types of moms that you think are looking down at you. I wish that we lived near each other because we would totally be friends. 🙂 Tracy
Thank you, Tracy! Why you don’t cook and are at a wishful stage? Curious to hear. Husband part is important, not sure if I would survive loneliness in a marriage. It has always been a priority for me. Has not been easy some days for sure but I can definitely vent and be heard by my husband almost without being judged, almost.:)
I don’t think they are necessarily look down on me, it’s just they avoid me. Those hockey moms that giggle and talk to my husband and squeeze just a sour closed mouth smile at me. Those moms that proudly laugh how they can’t bake a single recipe and buy pre-made cookies, that they have better things to do in life than cooking from scratch. Those moms that form groups on a hockey bench and go she-shu-shu with fake smiles as I pass by. Moms that meet me at a wine club and then pretend for 2 years they have never known me when seeing by the school, but when my husband walks with me and introduces me to them “Oh, I know your wife. I have met her at a wine club”. Oh, good to know, you are a real bitch like I suspected! Those stay at home moms that I share my feelings with about our common kids’ teacher and then they avoid conversation with me. It’s like no one seems to care that their kids are taught by someone who can’t spell properly or that they are fed sugar everywhere they go. I feel like I live on a different planet where I don’t know a single child in my town that eats real food, except mine and my other Italian friend! I feel sad and so sad again.:(
Olena,
Your honesty is always so refreshing! I have enjoyed every one of your recipes that I have made and knowing they are all healthy and good for me makes them taste even better. I admire you for raising two boys, living a busy life and finding the time to cook healthy every day as well- not to mention sharing it all with us! You are truly an inspiration ? Thank you
Thank you, Amanda! It is healing to hear someone is cooking real food and not only just talking about cooking it.
Ps…I would talk to you about ALL those things. I get it! I’m a lonely mom!
I know there are many of us, lonely moms, spread out around America. I wish we all lived in one gated community with a pool, a healthy restaurant, grocery store, farmers market and a gym LOL.
Now THAT would be awesome.
Hi Olena, I truly enjoyed reading how you feel. It really is sad what the food industry has become. I have made several of your recipes and loved them all.??
Thank you! xoxo
You are one of my favorites Olena. I can feel your emotion and as I was reading your other posts earlier I was thinking that I learn so much from you (hello buckwheat). Keep doing you because Alex is so right, you are helping people who have chosen to help themselves through eating well. I can always count on your blog for recipes that are the real deal, how I like to eat. And I love your writing and how honest you are.
Happy birthday to Alex!!! Youngin’!
Oh and I’m sorry you have to deal with Internet trolls. I have a love hate with online world and it’s mostly related to the big mouths that are not kind.
Xoxo
Thank you, my friend, for warming up my broken heart today. We could be sisters or best friends if I lived in Florida. Hm, you learnt about buckwheat from me? Hm, I should really go through my list of “everyone already know that” assumptions and reevaluate.
I feel already a bit better, will go celebrate, get a good sleep and regroup for tomorrow.:) xoxo
It can get overwhelming all these things out there!! Hope you feel better this morning.
Oh and I knew of buckwheat, but never cook with it!! Your point of using it instead of quinoa has me convinced I need to pick some up. I’m bored of quinoa too lol